A valid email address is required for registration as you will be emailed your password. Once registered New Users will be allowed to post in the Newbie Forum only, to introduce themselves and generally prove that they are not spammers. Admin will then allow them access to the rest of the board.
Sorry, but recently 'aol.com' 'yahoo.co.uk' 'outlook.com' and 'hotmail.com' email accounts have had to be barred, due to the high levels of spamming fuckers that are currently using them. We'll delete this when that changes in the future.
Any problems with registering then contact the Admin team here:
Users registering with a fake email address will obviously not receive their password.
Banter is fine, and some fans will want to do a bit of baiting and fishing, it's part of what message boards are about. That's OK, as long as abuse does not become too 'extreme' and 'personal'. Posts that the Admin deem to be racist, potentially libelous or 'extreme' and/or 'personal' abuse will be closed and/or deleted, and users banned.
Being an 'annoying idiot' whilst not strictly abusive or threatening, is detrimental to the other users of the board and will be considered as 'trolling'. If user persist with stupid, controversial or extreme comments just to provoke reaction, they will be receive limited 'temporary bans'. 3 'bans' will result in a permanent ban.
multiple accounts for one user will not be allowed, and if discovered all accounts will be deleted and the user banned.
If you feel you have been unnecessarily extremely abused by another poster then feel free to contact the administrator or report the post using the report button within the post itself, and if the Admin feel it necessary they will take the action required to rectify. Admin reserve the right to ban any user for whatever reason it sees fit. By using the message board, you agree that you have absolutely no automatic right to access the forum and that we may deny your registration, suspend or cancel your account at any time, for whatever reason we like. Constant bombarding the admin with e-mails spouting nonsense about 'democracy' and 'freedom of speech' will have zero effect. The message board is not a public service, you do not have automatic right of access.
Admin also reserve the right to ignore prissy fuckers who can't hack it and report every post every time someone takes the piss out of them. Harden the fuck up.
Swearing is big, clever, and also shows a wider knowledge of vocabulary.
English is the language of the message board. Please do not use 'text language' in your posts, it may be ok for your mobile phone with your mates or messaging on facebook, but makes you look like an idiot here.
Posting in 'all upper case' will be allowed, but it does make you look like a bit of a mentalist if you do it all the time.
Rules to observe within the postings are as follows:
1. Any opinion you have, however outrageous has to be followed by the word FACT (in caps)
2. If any of your ex players sign for another Conference north team you are required by law to tell everyone how shit he is/was. This applied irrespective of how good he was or how many games he played for you.
3. Any trouble that happens at games in this league are automatically blamed on Telford, regardless of where Telford were playing.
4. When asked how many fans you will be taking to an away game always double your estimate
5. When asked how many fans you actually took to an away game always double your estimate
6. When asked how many away fans were at one of your home games always halve your estimate
7. Pissed up posting is not recommended, not because anyone will be offended but because it is embarrasing to read people's apologies after saying something they were too afraid to say whilst sober.
8. An away ground can never be rated above 8
9. No one is bothered what any other poster thinks about them, therefore there is no need to post that you are not bothered about what other posters think about you
10. Bullying is not big or clever, unless directed at Scott Talbot, Ben or any Kettering fan
11. The form guide (last 4 or 6 games) must be analysed on a regular basis, If you are top of the form guide you are obliged to post about it
12. You are legally required to post that you will piss this tinpot league if you win 3 games on the trot
13. Never give any other team any credit
14. All contentious referee decisions given against your club are wrong
15. All contentious referee decisions given in favour of your club are correct..... FACT
16. Until you have had an argument with Dazza or Reg, you are not a proper member of this forum
17. When asked how many fans you had for a home game use formula rule 6, then add that to your estimate.
18. Any club that attracts less than 1,000 (double the home fans formula) is automatically tinpot.
20. Your team always has key players missing when they lose. Emphasise this until a thread 17 pages long comes from it.
21. Any post that has even a HINT of racism will be jumped upon and never forgotten
22. You must correct all punctual, grammatical and general other errors, no matter how miniscule they may appear at first glance.
22a. Any poster taking it upon their selves to correct grammatical or punctuation errors MUST automatically include a glaring error in their own corrective post.
25. If your side has a drum, you have shit support and cannot make noise without one.
27. when you win a friendly against a League club always big up the result by stating the opposition fielded a first team squad. When you lose to a shit local lower league team in a friendly always mark down the result by stating your team was made up of kids and trialists.
28. You must refer to Barrow as the biggest or, if you have visited Workington, second biggest shithole in the league - despite only driving down a stretch of road on the outskirts of Barrow and straight to the ground.
31. Anywhere north of the Humber must be mockingly referred to as 'being in Scotland'.
34. Everybody likes Hucknall. Nobody likes Harrogate
35. If you lose, it's because you played badly not because the oppo played well
36. If you lose against a team in the top 5 you must opine, through gritted teeth, that "it says a lot about the poor quality of this league if that lot are in the play-off spots."
37. No team ever looks as good as their position would suggest.
38. If you get crowds of more than 500, have previously played in a higher league and expect things like stewards, ball boys, running water etc at away games then you are 'arrogant'.
39. If you score in injury time, you must confine your celebrations to just a round of applause, anything else and you will be accused of "thinking you have won the FA Cup".
41. If you lose against a team near the bottom, you have to comment on what a tight league it is and how anyone can beat anyone on their day and that you are suprised to see them struggling. If it's early season, 'they definitely won't stay that low', and if it's near the end of the season 'they will suprise a few next season'
50. Even the best sides aren't that much better then you and with one or two more players you would probably do em 6-0!
51. If you travel a long way to see your team play away you are entitled to brag as if you are the first and only person to have travelled so far.
53 If your chairman is bankrolling your club, claim to know for a fact, that our situation is completly different to clubs who have over spent in the past
80. Altrincham will have the best away support in any league they are in.
82. Always claim that your wage bill is a) a shoestring or b) in the bottom 6 in the league. Follow this up by stating that you are glad you are living within your means, despite all the evidence lodged at Companies House.
93. When you have made a cnut of yourself by posting shite you must claim you were only after a bite all along.
104. Always state how great an atmosphere your supporters created at an away game and mock the home crowd for being silent.
107. Always bare in mind that Telford do not play football, ever. They kick people, hoof the ball and fight their way up the league
108. Always complain about opposition players whinging and going down too easy/kicking anything that moves but totally ignore it when your own players do likewise.
111. Bonsoir Baton is the most sexually active member of the forum and it is his duty for him to tell everyone about it.
112. When talking about local boozers, real-ale must be mentioned.
125. If you intend to stop posting you must make a big speech about it (before re-joining under a different username or waiting 8 weeks before your next post hoping it has been forgotten)
127. If you get beaten by a top of the league side, you must express how you wasn't very impressed with the opposition, and that you should have no-one to fear in the league this season because of that.
134. Altrincham shall never be relegated to the conference north. They will forever remain the best supported team in the conference.
149. Nobody can lable opposition fans as chavs unless they have been to either a redditch or telford game
152. When you really can't contain yourself from biting make sure you include a laughing emoticon to try and make it look like you've cooley laughed off the jibe and it doesn't at all bother you.
154. All Boston supporters should make it known frequently that they are a big club incase people forget.
156. You must have posted over 1,500 times before you have any sort of opinion on other posters.
158. All Telford's player's sign for them because of the love of the club not the money.
160. Posters who don't know the rules should not make up new ones.
175. Once you have run out of legitimate points of any viewpoint or discussion, you must post 'yawn' in all your replies. 'Blah' or 'zzzzz' are also acceptable.
177. If you get bigger crowds than your local rivals or have played in a higher league then you must always refer to them as “not our real rivals” and refer to a team in League 2 as your proper real rivals.
236. Threads regarding attendances can only be started by posters supporting Athletico, Nuneatin, Defaltrincham or Buston, erm and maybe the Fleetwood Mac
238. Any new members, that post a rational argument, or anything remotely sensible, doesn't 'get' the forum.
239. Any forum member that challenges another forum member over who has the fittest missus MUST accompany all arguments with recent pictures and let the forum members decide. In the event of a draw the member who posts a picture of their missus with the least clothes on wins.
241. Any club pissing any tinpot league must constantly remind their critics of how they are jelious of their success on a shoestring budget, and that any jeliousy constitutes a hatred of said club.
245. When an argument reaches a certain level of tediousness posters must start analysing responses to explain whether it constitutes a chomp/bite or not. The poster of the response then has the right to appeal this judgement.
251. Match reports should not be longer than 3 lines, 4 at the most. Oh yeah, and none of that copying and pasting from your local paper site, either write what you saw or don't bother at all.
252. No matter what the result Gloucester City are shit and this must be said by everyone who plays them.
255. Any time someone comments on your team in a negative light, that means they are obsessed with your team and it is your duty to tell them so.
257. When you have a night out on the piss in a town where you have played you must bang on about it for days and weeks after like your the only person to have had a night out on the piss then post photos hoping everyone is interested when really they don't give a toss.
259. Postponed games are never 'off', they are 'FUCK OFF'.
260. Symbolise your frustration at a recurring topic which is somewhat awkward for you by merely typing the word 'yawn'. Again, 'Blah' or 'zzzzzz' are also acceptable.
262. Anyone in glasses looks like Moley, and pictures must be posted to prove so.
263. Playing for the England C team is absolute proof of a player being one of the best around. No, really.
265. A title campaign which has failed (whether it actually has or you just think it has) must be announced and the title itself must be proverbially handed over to the latest form team to hit top spot as if you actually are physically handing them the league trophy.
267. Any team challenging for the title that loses a game within the last 3 months of the season, will be deemed to have had the 'wheels fall off' their title ambitions. A 10 page thread emphasising this must always occur after said defeat, accompanied by pictures of wheels or tyres in various states of disrepair.
275. It is not the BSN/BSS/BSBN/BSBS/BSP/BSBP/BP/SBS/SAS/CNN/BBC/CNBC/BS, it never has been and never will be. Some of us still remember when it was Alliance Prem, Gola League, Vauxhall Conf and Nationwide. It is the Conf Prem, Conf North and Conf South, and always fucking will be.
286. Despite all facts recorded on away turnstiles, a MASSIFAX away support can only be judged on the noise heard when an away goal is scored. This noise will always, ALWAYS, be more or the same as the home crowd. In these instances red pens are trumped.
soccer am subclause:
reference to any lovejoyisms or attempts to convert to trends associated with soccer am, especially any set of fans reported to do the 'easy, easy' chant will result in riducule for any fans associated with that club who's member fans are responsible for such actions.